


The Exs

by Archie Collins (ByronBlack)



Series: Stories from Studio 6H [1]
Category: 30 Rock
Genre: F/M, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 08:20:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10158557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ByronBlack/pseuds/Archie%20Collins
Summary: With Don Geiss still in a coma, jack makes one final move to take down Banks and take his rightful position as head of GE by teaming up with Banks's formidable Ex Boyfriend Dagny Howard; Meanwhile Liz deals with Ex Drama of her own when Dennis shows up on her doorstep looking for a place to stay.





	

Liz shlumped into Jack’s office carrying a half dozen script changes she needed for him to approve. Her shoes sounded heavy and clunked with each step she took. “What is on your feet? Does lesbian Frankenstein know you raided her wardrobe?”

 

“Hey these are cool. There from the 90’s, and a young person told me that stuff from that time was very in right now!”

 

“Whatever Lemon I don’t have time for your hipster nonsense!” Jack put on a slide show presentation of a handsome young man who Liz could tell was clearly gay because he was wearing a pink suit channeling Jackie Kennedy! He looked like if Richard Burton and Liz Taylor had a gay baby!

 

“Lemon. Are you familiar with the saying the enemy of my enemy is my ally?” Jack asked.

 

“Of course I am, _I am_ a writer!”

 

Jack brought up a picture of a young man with chestnut brown hair, blue eyes, and pleasant facial features. He was dressed in a pale pink suit reminiscent of the one Robert Redford wore in the great Gatsby. He pulled out a control, and pressed the black button to start the slideshow. “This is Dagny Howard. The poster boy for the log cabin Republicans, and more importantly. Bank’s ex-boyfriend!”

 

“Oh my god is that him with NPH and Anderson Cooper!” Liz said suddenly in awe of him!

 

“Yes. He used to be in a throuple with them! And Don’t Call neil Patrick Harris, NPH. You are far too old to say that!” Jack mentored. “Anyway I found out he used to work under Banks as his personal assitant. And rumor has it they did not part, amicably! He’s been working for the Romneys, putting on Mitt’s wife’s makeup every morning before they wind her up and rumor has it he’s getting tired of oiling up his joints when they rust!”

 

“Like the Tin Man!” Liz added, “Wait, if he’s busy covering up the truth about the Romneys being robots then how are you gonna convince him to work for you?”

 

“I’m gonna hire him as my own personal assistant of course... Oh that reminds me! JONATHAN YOU’RE FIRED!”

 

“What? Nooooo!” Jonathan cried.

 

-o0o-

 

A short time Later Jack arrived at the Restaurant in the Plaza Hotel to meet with Dagny. The handsome Daddybear sat there listening to Dagny as he went on backdoor bragging about himself and talking about all the famous people he knew. “So then I said, Look Anderson. You’re not in love with me. You’re in love with the _Idea_ of me. Pulse turns out we’re fifth cousins. I know the roosevelts were too. But I’m not willing to go down that road to be in the white house. Not yet at least...”

 

Jack raised an eyebrow at his incestuous remark, but turned a blind eye in order to deal with the situation at hand. For a moment he thought about pointing out how it wasn’t so uncommon for rich people to marry their cousins, like in gone with the wind. But decided to turn a blind eye and stick to the plan to get his revenge.

 

“Dagny let’s get down to cases. I invited you here, because I love the marvelous job you’ve been doing covering up the truth about Romney being a robot!”

 

“They’re not robots! _Their androids Jack…_ ” Dagny said discreetly, as he took another drink. “But since we're being real, I know why you invited me to lunch. Banks is head of GE now that Don Guiess is in a Coma!”

 

“Fine I want to hire you so you can help me get Revenge on Banks, Think of it. It’ll drive him insane. I’ll even let you say were sleeping together if you want. you in?”

 

“Your dam right I’m in! When he left me to marry that beard Cathy Guess, He broke up with me over a text. A Text Jack!”

 

Jack and Dagny shook hands and together they took a town car back to 30 Rock. Jack showed Dagney his new desk just as Jonathan was leaving.

 

“You better be good to him!” Jonathan said. He looked at Jack and Jack coldly said nothing as he looked at him slightly annoyed. Jonathan walked away and was history with the closing of the elevator doors.

 

-o0o-

 

After Work Liz sat in the living room of her apartment, working on her night cheese. She was flipping through a bunch of her neighbors mail that had been delivered to her by accident! “Man this doctor Drew Baird has some awesome mail!”

  


Suddenly, there was a knock at her door. Liz put her tray of assorted cheeses down and walked to the door and looked through the peep hole. It was Dennis!

 

“What, the What!” Liz cried. “Dennis, what are you doing here?”

 

“Hey Dummy. I was in the neighborhood, and also technically I’m homeless so I thought Id crash here for a few days!” Dennis said letting himself into Liz’s apartment. He flopped on her couch and grabbed the remote control rudely ordering a payperview movie off cinemax without asking her.

 

“What, no! I’m not doing this. Get your stuff and get out!” Liz ordered.

 

“Come on Liz! Haven’t you ever been in a desperate situation where you were like. Gee I’m in trouble, will you help me? Please don’t kick me out on the streets!”

 

Ughhh! Fine. One night, but tomorrow you need to find someplace else to stay!”

 

“Thanks. And come on it won’t be that bad. We can watch a movie, and I’ll order CheeseSteaks!”

 

“I want to go to there!” Liz said. And with that said, She was under Dennis’s spell. She woke up in bed the next morning with marinara sauce staining her pillow, and Dennis lying beside her. To Liz, Dennis was like a bag of potato chips she couldn’t stop eating! She knew he was bad for her, but he was easy and the sex with him wasn’t half bad! She went to work before he woke up, not bother to shower as she made her walk of shame to work!

 

She had an extra pair of emergency cloths as well as a kit of toiletries she could used to make herself look decent so she could hide her shameful sexual encounter with Dennis.But fate had other plans it seemed. At that moment Jack got on the Elevator, letting out a slight chuckle at her disheveled appearance. One look and he knew what she did last night.

 

“So, Who’s the lucky guy!”

 

“A lady never kisses and tells!”

 

“It was Dennis wasn’t it!”

 

“Dammit! How do you do that?” Liz groaned. “Fine.Yes I slept with Dennis last night.”

 

“Good god Lemon! You can do so much better than Dennis!”

 

“Can I Jack? Dennis is a stupid Irish potato head, but at least he’s easy and I don’t have to try with him! Maybe I should just settle for him...”

 

“Lemon you should never settle for anyone. Gable and Lombard, Liz and Dick, Bogie and Bacall. Those epic relationships that we strive to achieve were epic because both people tried.”

 

“I tried with Floyd and look where it got me.  I even went to the airport and everything and Floyd still got on the plane. God my life is allot like the ending to Casablanca! Ugh I need to talk to some food about this!” Liz said as she got off the elevator.

 

Jack got off on the 52nd floor and said hello to Dagny as he walked into his office, a few hour later Bank’s got off the elevator stopping just short of his office door when he saw Dagny! The look on his face when he realised his ex-boyfriend had teamed up with his nemesis, was priceless.

 

“Dagny! What are you doing here?” Devon said surprised.

 

“I’m working. Do you have an appointment!”

 

“Haven’t you heard Banks? Dagny is my new personal assistant!”

 

“It’s been great Devon. He’s letting me go full Downton Abbey. I get to dress him and everything! This morning, I saw him naked!” Dagny gloated, knowing how obsessed he was with Jack!

 

“That’s right Banks. I let him handle my underwear. I’m even thinking about letting him Wash me in the bath.”

 

“Yes thank you please!”

 

“Damn you Donaghey!You think you can steal him away from me!” Devon walked up to Dagny, and held his hands, looking into his eyes and oozing charm from every pour. “Dagney… I know I didn’t end things well! I should have done it in person or called you at the least. I’m sorry baby!”

 

“Screw you Devon! I’ve worked for Jack for Two Days, and in that time he’s treated me better than you did. At least he says thank you when I bring him stuff! And I’m gonna tell you what I told Anderson Cooper when I found out he knew we were related, but slept with me anyway: _Just because you say you're sorry, doesn't make it okay!_ ”  

 

That said, Dagney stormed out of Jack’s office, and took the stairwell down a couple floors. Hoping the walking would clear his mind.

 

-o0o-

 

Dagny wound up in Studio 6H on the set of TGS. The stage was empty. It looked like a living room set. He sat down on the sofa with his feet kicked up on the table reading one of the magazines. He put it down frustratedly when he realized the pages were blank.

 

Liz walked onto the set. She saw Dagny sitting there looking frustrated and walked over to see what was wrong. “Hey you're Jack’s new assistant. Dagny right?”

 

“Yup that’s me! The man who’s always working under the man…” Dagny said commenting on his life. “You know I only took this Job to make Devon jealous and show him I’m doing great without him so he would feel bad for breaking up with me. But this has only made _me_ feel bad…”

 

“Do you still have feelings for Devon?” Liz inquired.

 

“Not romantic feelings. But secretly, he still turns me on! He’s like a gay evil kennedy! Ugh what’s wrong with me?”

 

“You know I’m trying to figure out if I want to take my ex-boyfriend Dennis back as well!”

 

“The one who was on to catch a predator! What, no Dealbreaker Liz!”

 

“What, how do you even know about that!” Liz asked startled by the amount of information he had about her.

 

“I’m Jack’s personal assistant Liz. It’s my job to know everything about everybody in his life, and you are a real piece of interesting reading Liz.

 

“Okay I get that. But let’s be honest this thing you have with Jack is weird. The way he looks at you. I mean Jack’s not even into guys, is he?”

 

“Jack said he used to be Bisexual back in the 80s. And he’s already made it pretty clear he’s down for hand stuff!” Dagny told Liz.

 

Liz Gasped, “Oh my god! Dagney, listen, I know Jack and you are playing with fire! You need to shut this down before you get burned!”

 

“Crap! Your right Liz! I need to remember the real reason I agreed to work for Jack. To destroy Devon Banks!” Dagny said realizing what he had to do! “I’m still probably gonna do hand stuff with him though!”

 

Liz made her judgmental badger face and said, “Eww, Dagny!”

 

That said Dagny walked off into the shadows.

 

-o0o-

 

A few days passed and Dagny began to grow closer with Jack, Liz, and the rest of the TGS staff. That morning he went into work and took the elevator up, stopping by the floor Liz’s office stood on.

 

He was stopped in the Hall by Kenneth. “Mister Howard Sir, I have the preparation H you asked for.”

 

Jenna raised an eyebrow, Dagny turned to her looking slightly annoyed. “Oh get you head out of the gutter blondie, it’s for the bags under my eyes!”

 

“Oh, of course!” Jenna nodded. It was a trick as an actress she was very familiar with.

 

Dagny tapped the letter from jack onto Liz’s door. “Listen up nerds! It’s Important that Liz gets this letter, and if she doesn't then I’ll feed each one of you to the nightmarish chernabog i keep under my bed. Sue said something in swedish that no one understood but from the inference and they could tell it wasn’t good.

 

Dagny got back on the elevator It stopped a few floors short of the one Jack’s office was on. The doors opened, and banks go on. “Hello Dagny!”

 

“Devon! What are you doing here?”

 

“I could ask you the same thing!”

 

“I asked you first!”

 

“Dammit! Logic! Fine! I’m here to visit my new wife, Cathy!”

 

“How is your simple minded beard?”

 

“Great, last night she put some lip gloss on me and we kissed for hours.”

 

“I thought your lips looked extra shimmery today. It’s that Very Berry?”

 

“No. it’s bubblicious!”

 

“Damn you Devon. You Know I can’t resist those slimy lips of yours. You're like an evil gay Kennedy!” Dagny tried to resist the urge to kiss Banks. The tension became palpable as they inched closer and closer. Until neither of them could stand it any longer.

 

Banks slammed his fist down on the emergency stop button, and punched on Dagny with an unquenchable lust kissing him with that fiery passion that he used to.

 

-o0o-

 

Meanwhile across town Liz arrived home to find Dennis on the couch playing x-box with no pants on. The place was filthy, and there were cans of beer covering her expensive coffee table! “Dennis you idiot, how many times do I have to tell you that you have to use a coaster. Also put all the empty beer cans in the recycling bin when you're done with them! Did you even take a shower today? What is that smell!”

 

“Yea I went to the park, and played with a bunch of stray dogs. Then i got sprayed by a skunk. But don’t worry I drank some tomato juice!”

 

“Your not suppose to drink it Dennis! Ugh you know what this isn’t gonna work!”

 

“Don’t be stupid Dummy!”

 

“No. Dennis I’m sorry but you need to leave. I can’t believe I actually thought about taking you back. I need clean and order, and your mess and chaos. Get your stuff and get out!”

 

“Whatever, you’ll be back!”

 

Liz grabbed Dennis’s duffel bag, and threw him out of her apartment; slamming the door in his face. She began tidying up her apartment, and started by taking all the mail she had accidently gotten to her downstairs neighbor, doctor Drew Baird.

 

She knocked on his door., and the most handsome man she had ever seen in her life was on the other side. Liz’s jaw dropped to the floor. “Oh my sooo handsome!”

 

“Hi. can I help you!” It was like the universe was trying to tell her not to give up on love.

 

As evening fell on the city. Dagny sat in Jack’s office, playing him the security feed from the elevator camera. “You did a good job Dagny. You literally got him by the balls!”

 

“And figuratively as well. But I’m glad you shut off the tape before we got to that part!” Dagny said slightly embarrassed. “I’ve already called TMZ, Perez Hilton, and Gawker. Not the gawker you’re thinking of, the free information site for gay stalkers. By tomorrow morning Bank’s will be outed as the lying cheating secret homosexual that he is and Cathy Geiss will be forced to kick banks out, for the sake of her family's reputation! With any luck you should be the new head of GE by the end of the week!”

 

Jack smiled marveling at the geniusly machiavellian tactics that Dagny was capable of. “You know your talents really are wasted on being a personal assistant. How would you like to be the New head of public relations for TGS?”

 

“Depends, will I be working directly under you?” Dagny said flirting with Jack.

 

Jack smiled a devilish grin, and replied. “Don’t worry. I’m sure I could find a position you'd like!”

 

They toasted, clinking their glasses. The sexual tension between them was so thick you could cut it with a knife.

 

“So is your Revenge as good as you imagined? Now that you’ve had your revenge, how do you feel?” Jack said handing him a glass of scotch.

 

Dagny took another drink and forced a smile. He tried not to let it show on his face how guilty he felt for betraying Banks, but Jack could tell. He could see the tears swelling in his eyes.

 

“Better Than I hoped.” Said Dagny, “But I know deep down this is the beginning of a game he and I will play where every time he hurts me I must hurt him even worse and so much deeper!”

 

“That’s very insightful and poetic!” Jack replied.

 

“Thanks... They’re lines from a Celine Dion song!”

 

Though Dagney tried to hide his true feelings, Jack could tell from the look on his face that he felt a little guilty over what he did.

 

“Would you like to stare out my thoughtful drinking window?”

 

“Yes-thankyou-please!” Dagny Answered quickly. He walked over to Jack’s window and looked out at the city deep in thought. Even though his career was at an all time high, Dagny felt down in the dumps on the 52nd floor of 30 Rock. Jack smiled and walked up behind him, giving Dagny a big bear hug.

 

“Wow this is the best hug I’ve ever had!”

 

“I know…” said Jack in a low growl.

 

Dagny still didn’t know what to make of this weird relationship he had with Jack. Was he the Big to his Carrie? Or would he be the biggest mistake of his life. Whatever it was. One thing Dagny was certain of. In that moment all he wanted to do was enjoy Jack’s embrace before he took him home and did hand stuff with him in in tub...

 

END

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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